Dear Emme, Take your own advice, Signed, Emme

But actually. 
I'm fantastic at giving advice.  It's just one of my skills. 
I'm a good listener too. 
And I'm a great secret keeper. Tell me something you don't want anyone else to know, and it'll go to the grave. 
But I suck at taking my own advice. 
And I suck at asking for help. And I suck about talking things out. Which is probably why I never ask for help.  Even when I need to.  
Even now.  
I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above the water here. 
It's not that I'm overwhelmed with school, and it's not anxiety. 
It's just grief.  
I can't get over losing my friend.
I can't move on. 
And from a practical point of view,  I need to manage it before I go from mini-breakdowns at the end of the day when I get back to my room to full blown breakdowns.  
I need to suck it up.  
Truth: It's been eight months.  I still cry almost everyday. I can't stop worrying that I'll lose someone else. The thought just pops up at the most random times.  I feel guilty when I relax and let my guard down- if life can be this random, who knows if I'm not wasting my last day on earth?  
Truth: Inside of me, it's kind of a mess.

TTYL

-E