An Open Letter to My Extended Family

Dear Extended Family, 
Hallelujah. The Holidays are over. That means I have a whole 365 days to recover before this conversation happens. 

You guys: Are you gay? Where's you're boyfriend? What do you mean you're not gay? oh, you're totally gay. 
Then I have to be like 
"Nope, guys, not gay. Sorry." 
And it's just an awkward situation for everyone. 
For so many different reasons.  And how can I even explain this, aside from the simple fact that I'm not gay. I think guys are really hot. Many guys.  I don't really feel the same way about girls.  I mean, I believe sexuality is more about gray areas than little boxes that you check for "gay" or "straight", but really. I'm a girl.
I've been known to dress like a boy. 
But I'm a girl who, 100% falls in love with boys. 
Too much, almost. 
And the thing is, when people ask me that, I don't really want to belabor the point.  Because I'm not gay, but I don't want anyone to read my denial as gay bashing either. I mean, lesbians are awesome. Fact. But a lot of times when people say that, they aren't doing it in the nicest way, like it's somehow bad to be gay. 
So, seriously. 
Can we just stop with the stereotypes already? 
Why can't a girl wear baggy t-shirts and guys pants without people calling her a dyke? This is a point from my childhood. I'm looking at you, big sis. 

One: it's not fair to lesbians. Most lesbians I know have way better fashion sense than I do. 

Two: It's not a bad thing to be gay, so can we please stop harassing girls about whether they're feminine enough?  Also, same goes for boys. Can we stop harassing them about whether they seem gay or not? Cuz really, unless you're about to ask them to sleep with you, how is it relevant? 

(SIDE NOTE: TO MY FAMILY. Since you are hopefully not asking the above, could you please just stop asking? Kay thanks, bye. )

Three: what I wear, how I dress, and who I date is MY BUSINESS. 

Four: even if I had a boyfriend, I would not bring him home to meet you, because... oh yeah, you'd probably tell him I was gay. And finally...

Five: What are you guys, the Spanish Inquisition??

love, 
Emme