April Showers

Rough

I've been having a rough couple of months, lately.  I lost one of my closest friends to suicide.  I've been having trouble getting myself to focus on schoolwork and crew, since I wasn't able to make it home for the funeral, I feel like I haven't properly mourned or acknowledged her death.
To me, things feel strange and numb and not entirely real.

Combined with the events of Monday in Boston, which have really hit home and shaken up a lot of people, I'm not feeling so good.
Not because I'm shaken up by the events, but rather the opposite.
I'm not shaken up at all.
It seems normal to me.
As if death has become so common, that I'm not even going to get upset.  I've been dealing with a lot of loss lately, I guess.
My grandparents all died within a few years of each other except for my grandmother who's fairly ill as it is.  I lost my childhood dog a few years ago, and now, I've unexpectedly lost one of my best friends.
On top of which, I've become so used to bombings and school shootings in the news that this news seems like nothing new at all.
So yes, I've been having a rough semester.
I'll be happy when it's over and I'll be able to grieve.  
4 more weeks.

-E 

Dear Boston

Dear Boston,
I love you.
That is all.

-Emme

More Like Her

I bet Princess Kate never gets a head cold.  In fact, there are a whole host of things I bet Her Royal Highness has never had to put up with.  And since I'm sick, and just got another C in math, I'm going to    indulge in my self-pity  and make a list. 

I mean, what's she got that I haven't?  Besides like several inches of height and glossy brown hair.  

But, Harry and I are meant to be

1- Get a head cold.  Seriously. She looks like she doesn't even have sinuses

2- Barely pass her basic college math credit.  Do they even have core curriculums in the UK?

3- get dumped

4- get the stupid "it's not you, it's me" speech.  After 21years of this, a girl can start to suspect that yeah, maybe it is her.

5- have to worry about things like internships, careers, grad school, and what she's going to do with her life.  Obviously, she's going to be a princess.  

6- Have a roommate.  If she ever had as annoying of a roommate as I do, she could just set the Buckingham palace guards with the funny hats on them

7-have to wear hand me down clothes from her sisters middle school years well into her 20s.  This is starting to become embarrassing.  Also Kate is an older sister.  Even though I'm pretty sure Pippa doesn't wear hand me downs, and if she does, who cares cause they're amazing.  

8- Get demoted at crew practice

9- have to wake up obscenely early to go to said crew practice

10- not have the right credits to graduate. Not only did she never transfer anywhere, but if she did, I bet they'd just let her graduate anyway.  She's probably a genius.  Maybe she's just a superhuman. 

Oh Kate Middleton, I'd probably hate you if I didn't love you so much.  

But actually, Kate, I love you

ps- More Like Her is a Miranda Lambert song.  Speaking of Miranda Lambert and More Like Her, I'm a lot "more like her" than I really am like Kate.  Maybe that explains something(?)  

Uniform

So it's come to my attention that I'm actually an adult and leaving the house in hoodies and sweatpants is fine and all, but every so often I want to not be mistaken for a thirteen year old (I'm looking at you, Jet Blue.  SO flying US Air from now on)
so that's when I pop out my navy blazer. It's a three quarter sleeve from H&M and I like to pair it with just normal bootcut casual jeans and a grey or white t shirt underneath.I have honestly no idea what brand my jeans are or where they are from, they're a hand me down from my sister(s?)  I wear a lot of ribbon/d ring belts because unlike leather belts you can keep on tightening or loosening them as much as you want.  The one I am wearing right now is LL Bean but the one in the picture is Brooks Brothers. I'm pretty sure it's menswear but, hence is the beauty of d-ring belts.  
Red Sox hat and stopwatch of course, go with everything.  (I'm a coxswain even when I'm not coxing).  Same with my Sperry's.  I'm in love.  
Speaking of love, I spend WAY too much on skincare.  That's Origins Checks and Balances foaming face wash, Perfect World Tea Tree Moisturizer with SPF, and Kiehls Youth Regenerating Cream. 
Why a 21 year old who's consistently mistaken for a thirteen year old needs youth regenerating cream I don't know, but I'm convinced when I'm forty it will have paid off.
Everything else on here is a wish list:
Ray bans (ohmygosh they would be such a good investment for a coxie!)
I'd love that Kate Spade knot ring.  The one I'm currently wearing is from target.  I'm pretty sure it's rusted onto my thumb at this point even though it was once nice!
I don't have a smart phone, and much as I want one, I know how hard I am on phones. But I still really love looking at Iphone cases. 
Seriously
My phone is this cinderblock

It's pretty much indestructible.  Not that I haven't tried

also I really like that Vineyard Vines makeup case, but to be honesty, I don't wear enough makeup to justify buying it!  
However, I COULD justify the Lilly Pullitzer tumbler.  I could carry lemon water with me everywhere.  Mmmm, lemon water. 
Ok.  Done now.  I should go at least pretend to be paying attention in this god awful class.

TTYL
-E

Stressed is Just Desserts Spelled Backwards

Usually my theory for life.
Generally the more upset/ stressed I am, the more cookies I eat.
 But not recently.
I've actually  been dropping weight.  Mysteriously, because I haven't had a lot of time to work out recently.
A normal person would be concerned, and I am, a little.
But, I haven't been feeling sick, or crazy panicky stressed, and it might be just because I hate school food,so I'm sort of letting it slide.
Plus, as a coxswain, mysteriously losing a few pounds isn't necessarily a bad thing.
I'm gonna keep my eye on that, though.
And to be honest, I am feeling kind of anxious about things.  Mostly school.
I wish people didn't have to put so, so much stress on school and grades.
Like, I AM smart.  Just because things in my brain go backwards and maybe I'm not the most studios girl ever.
But I'm a fast reader and I remember facts.
Just because I can't add my way out of a paper bag doesn't make me stupid. My brain is creative and I'm generally pretty gifted with vocabulary.
I'm just not "smart" in the typical ways.  I can draw and I can recite endless historical facts or stories.  My brain just doesn't like to be forced into the forms schoolwork takes.  It doesn't like to focus on things that are boring or theoretical and if there's a chance that it might get reversed, like s-a-w and w-a-s and 12 and 21, I'd just rather not bother.
So I guess I am really stressed about school.
Also, certain people lecturing me on being responsible an studying... not necessarily helpful.  It's not like I go around asking people to solve quadratic equations wearing fogged up glasses, or something.
Ugh

Stressed is just Desserts Spelled Backwards 
Playlist:

promises- Nero
closer- Tegan and Sara
Float On- Modest Mouse
sleepyhead- passion pit
curse of curves- cute is what we aim for
superboy and supergirl- tullycraft
F**k and Run- Liz Phair
Meant to Live- Switchfoot
There's a Class for This- Cute is what we aim for
She's so mean- Matchbox 20


uh, sorry for the rant.
I'm just full of rants these days

Valentine's Day

I know Valentine's Day was a lo-ong time ago.  I also know I've been super busy and neglecting my blog.
And so, without further ado, I present to you my belated Valentine:


So, even though I missed Valentine's day, I'm dedicating this Valentine's Day to my team.
Because one: I'm single and
two: even if I did have a special someone in my life, would I love him more than crew? Would I love him more than my team?  Doubtful.  Highly doubtful.

Mary Whipple (US Women's Olympic Coxswain and all around amazing person) always talks about how important it is for coxswains to remember they're part of the team. She says being a teammate comes first.  And I got to hand it to her, the best part of crew is well... the crew!  I can honestly say that in the one year that I've been on this team, I've absolutely grown to love my rowers.  I mean, do I sometimes want to kill them? Yes.  I'm sure they feel the same about me.  I mean, rowers out there, who hasn't wanted to throw their coxswain out of the boat once or twice?
But the point is, the rowers (and fellow coxswains!) are great and I love them and each of their crazy personalities and quirks to pieces.  They work crazy hard and are all great athletes and team members in their own way.  I love what each individual brings to the team, and I couldn't ask for better friends.  I've grown to feel so accepted over the past year and I can't wait to see what spring season brings.  Good thing it's starting in less than a week!  It's never easy, but we always make it through, as a team.

So, team.
I love you guys, and happy (late) Valentine's Day.

-Emme

Gee, I've never heard that joke before.
#everysingledayofmylife